iPad blogging whoot whoot!!!!

My amazing hubby saved his money for months and months to purchase me an iPad for Christmas. I was in tears not so much for the gift(although I do love it). But more because of his amazing thoughtfulness and love that he has for me. It is overwhelming and so amazing. And he did it right and saved slowly because he knows I would not have approved of spending that kind of money right now. Hope to blog more frequently now. Hope you all had an amazing Christmas. Our boys were sooo adorable and we had lots of great family times. We have two more Christmas's this weekend and I am so excited to celebrate with all of them too!!

Why...oh why?

Well before I begin my update on Luke's appointment and what our future holds....I can't help but take a minute to reflect on what the world is going through right now. I know everywhere you look and everywhere you turn you are hearing something about Newtown, Ct and lets be honast Christmas is getting closer, happier times are ahead and we are all trying to put this behind us as we should be. So I am sure in "deckerville" you are not wanting to hear even more about it but I can't bare the thought of not using this space to acknowledge it. I know it has hit hard to so many people in many different ways. ESPECIALLY parents!! New parents, old parents, grand parents, wanting to become a parents, but also to everyone else...sisters brothers aunts uncles cousins...you name it...people can relate. In my area I feel extremly somber as a parent. If that were to happen it would be the absolute worst thing in the entire world. The thought makes me feel like I could die right now in this very moment...however we all know that is not the case. I have other children,  a husband, a family, friends...people that count on me to be in their lives...eventually you'd have to get it together right?? It is going to take a LONG time for those parents to feel somewhat normal(never the same but at least functional). They will never be the same.
After reflecting on all that I feel a huge tug on my heart to remember this is NOT our eternal home. As scary as it may be to know you will not live forever in the flesh....there is peace in knowing there is an eternity. Even that is a wee bit frightening because it's the "unknown"....however I get through that remembering that I am not suppose to understand but to have faith(trust for the things unseen) that I will be better than ok. In times like these (or other hard times) I feel encouraged to read more, pray more, get filled with the things that make my life at peace....God's promises. That way my cup is over flowing and I don't have room for anything else. I have a notebook that sometimes I don't get a chance to look at but most days I try with people to pray for...it helps me stay accountable to pray for those going through big things in their lives and I think the families of Newtown will be in there for a long long time. I have no room to even try to compare or grasp the depth of their pain...however I do know that there is power in prayer. I have seen it many times and recieved that blessing. I do believe that people praying for you will give you peace that comes only from God . It's hard to understand even as a Christian "why God did you let this happen"...but I have to remember(again no room to compare here....) that even when we do pray for things before they happen....things happen. There is room for free will in men.....and beyond that.....sometimes things happen. I struggled alot before Luke faced his surgery. I felt like I was undeserving of this in my life as I DID pray EVERY SINGLE DAY for my baby to be perfect and healthy and whole...and he wasn't. How do you explain that? How do you explain that prayer has power when that doesn't follow through the way you want it?? Well....you don't. In that moment it doesn't make sense...but in time you see why it happened....or maybe not why it did originally however you see the steps that took place through it all and it makes sense. For me(and now I feel even guiltier for saying this during this time...) I saw nothing but amazing things from God. He is not our halfway healer but our WHOLE healer and heals us completly whole and I believe that it will continue to be that way for Luke. For those families in Newtown....the explination is hard...there isn't one....but I do know that it is not OF God and it is not His will for things like this to take place. I feel like there is a point where you have to look ahead and say "ok it happened now what do we do" instead of sitting in the "this is a nightmare and can't be true" phase. For them...that will be a long time from now so in the meantime they need as many prayers and I and eveyrone else can pour out on to them. I don't remember this every happening when I was a child. And if it did...how do you explain it to your child and what do you say to their questions? I guess in that time I will deal with that then...but in the mean time I will talk to my boys about heaven...and let them know that is where we will all be together forever...and that if anything ever happened to find the happiness and Thank GOD there is an eternity for those that love him. My biggest struggle about going to heaven is who may or may not be there.  I can tell you I want EVERY SINGLE PERSON I KNOW THERE!! Especially my family and friends but even beyond that. It doesn't take much it only takes BELIEVING He exsists...and that He sent his son Jesus to die on the cross for your sins. Living a life with Christ is much easier(especially in hard times) than living it without Him....but I must say having to die without Him would be far worse. So whether it's now(I strongly suggest now) or later....at some point I hope you all recieve Him and His amazing grace. In the meantime I will do what I can with what I know while I'm here.

As for our sweet sweet "Luku"(Lane's new nickname for his brother...It use to be Lukie then just "key key" now Luku has evolved:) The appointment went great. I did better than expected and SO APPRICIATE the prayers and texts I recieved that morning. So glad my dad and sis were there. I was choking back the tears as we drove by the subway stops and got close to cellular field but once we passed that I sucked it up...helped my dad with direction and focused on getting to the bathroom to pee!! haha! Yes I had to pee so bad that was all I could really think about(Lord...you work in mysterious ways...thank you:) Once we got into the waiting room I met a super nice Lady with her little 6 month old daughter who had the same surgery(well not exact same...her's was the sagital suture but same incission, same doctors, same time frames etc..). I so wish I would have got her information. She was great and had an older daughter about Lanes age as well. That was great convo in the waiting room and then it was our turn to go in. My sister was playing peek a boo with Luke and was a great distraction. By the time I got back there I felt pretty strong about it all. The doctor said Luke's head is hard and the helmet wouldn't do him anymore good. He was very pleased with his perfect sized head but did point our a few flaws in the shape. He said there is two small areas where his head has "knobs" on it and as his head expands and grows over the years if they stay too dominate he would be able to shave down that bone and fix that. Again it would be a major surgery like before but not quite as invasive. I asked him if he has had to do that to other paitents and he said yes....however some paitents heads grow, their hair comes in, and you'd never even notice it. BUT if we did come 4, 5, 6 years of age this is a cosmetic surgery we could do to perfect his apperance. Of course my stomache hit the floor and my heart was in my throat but after talking it out with my dad(whose so encouraging and simple "he's not gonna need that" he said in his perfect dad telling you what to do voice) and my sister who went over it  a few times with me reminding me it's cosmetic...up to the parents....not necessary for his well being and reminding me of Lane and his head size and hair and how no head is perfect...I felt much better. Of course my response was "well I guess I know what to pray for then." Like I said before He is our complete healer. I thank God everyday that Luke's head is coming into perfect alignment and I truley and honastly feel a peace about his future. His next appointment is in June for his 1 year post surgery Ct scan to make sure his brain has the proper room it needs etc...Then once that is completled we will go back once a year for approximatly 5 years.

I am resting in God's faithfulness....I will be still and KNOW that he is God. That all is well for my child and I will be more thankful than ever before( I didn't think that was possible after what we went through and the thought of losing him) now that I have experienced witnessing and much greater pain when it comes to children. He is here, alive, well, and perfect in everyway. I AM SOOOO BLESSED even though we walked down a tough road for a while....it could always be worse. For the families in Newtown...however I don't think it could get any worse than where they are at today....and for that I will pray that they will establish a realationship with Christ and come to know his saving knowledge....so that someday they will see and hold those beautiful children again....for that is our eternity which is much longer than the 90-100 years we live here with them. Think of it...parent on earth for 60-80 years...important YES....seeing your family in heaven for eternity...MUCH MORE IMPORTANT. Cherish the time you have with the ones you love and remember to make that choice to have them FOREVER!

NO MORE HELMIE BOY

LUKE IS HELMET FREE:) His head is the perfect size (52% on the chart to be exact...so right on track and average:) and all is well!! Longer update to follow. Hope everyone is having fun as Christmas is RAPIDLY approaching:)

A great pic of Luke's head

Sweet Luke laying In bed with us this morning! His head amazes me and looks better everyday

Thankful has a whole new meaning this year....

So I LOVE our families blog...can't you tell?? I really really do....however I need to figure out how to get the app on my hubby's iphone and update it from there because I am on there on the internet much much more than I am on my computer!! :) Anyways....we have a little BIG update! But first off....All is good with Luke. He had his (hopefully final) helmet fitting on this past Monday and they shaved the foam by his ears which is great because we felt it was getting too tight there. Our next appointment is Dec. 11th in Chicago with his plastic surgeon. He will be the decider if we will get to take it off then or if he will need to wear it one more month. If he does have to wear it one more month we will stop in Naperville on the way home to get a quick adjustment done. My dad and sister will be going to that appointment with Luke and I BECAUSSSEEEEEEEEE my hubby got a NEW JOB!! We are soooo excited! He is starting his job with Union Pacific on December 3rd!! He has been praying, "searching", praying, applying, praying, going to interviews, praying, getting rejected, praying, applying, praying(you get the jist) for a long time and we are so excited about this job. We KNOW this is the job God has been preparing for him and for us. I have decided to stay home full time with out doing hair out of our house. As most of you know...since Lane has been born I am home all day with him (and Luke now) and when my hubby walks in the door he takes care of the boys while I work. Then I come upstairs and we put the boys to bed and he goes to bed to get up at 230 am. So...the family of 4 time is far and few between and the hubby and wife time is just as few!!! I will continue to dance my 5 hours a week and be home when he is home all other times. :) It has been the desire of both of our hearts for me to be able to be home with the kids "and him" since we've been married and the time has finally come! I will be doing hair through December (just on saturdays) and then as of 2013 I will be done. It is bitter sweet as of course I will miss my clients friends....but it is much much more sweet to be with my familia!!:)
With that being said I am soooo sooo soooo grateful for Matt's past job. It has been GOD ALL THE WAY on how his schedule was. Even though I had to do hair after he was home...he was home most days by 2 or 3 and got A LOT of time with Lane (and Luke) before they had to go to bed(at 730) where some dads don't get home until 6 and wouldn't get that time. Also he has every Monday off which has been such a blessing for Luke's appointment. This appointment in December will be the VERY first doctors appointment he has ever missed for either child. He has gone to every single one and even the maternity appointments! When I look at the past 3 years in reverse it is so insane to me how God has brought us to every single moment and blessed us every step of the way (even when it didn't feel like a blessing in the moment). I am grateful for every appointment he has been to more than I can say....so I feel pretty guilty feeling so sad about this one he's about to miss! How dare I even pout for a second after all we've been through....but I did. I am moving up and moving on though...each day praying for strength as we "go back to Chicago" and see Luke's surgeon. I know once I get there I will be smiling ear to hear and want to hug the man that  helped save Luke's life and did it so perfectly. I know that I will be so confident and proud to walk into that building with my incredibly perfect baby that has healed beyond their expection due to God's amazing works. But as for now...I have been struggling with the thought of "getting in the door to the room." Everytime I think of the walk into that building I get chills down my spine. Everytime we went there I had the sickest feeling in my stomache that I can't even begin to explain. The walk from the parking garage to the elevator, then the ride on there, and then entering into the building with hunderds of people in white coats hustling and bustiling about makes me about burst into tears because now the thought feels like a nightmare. Everytime we went there it was for something scary, hard, sad, blood drawing, blood giving, ct scans, words we didn't want to hear, check ups for stiches, scaring, infection... etc... If you went to the same  place for months and hated EVERY SINGLE second of being there...would you want to go back? Even if you knew it was going to be different this time? That is the struggle I have been having...and then to top it off....with my hubby ROCK! I am letting that go though...I will no longer think of what was...I will no longer be stuck feeling that nightmare feeling and everytime it tries to come upon me I will replace that feeling with the overwhelming heart of gratitude I carry!  That is far bigger than any fear I ever faced! That is a far better feeling than any hurt I felt. I am in control of what effects me....and I am going into this with complete control that I AM BEYOND PLEASED AND THANKFUL FOR THIS CHILD AND HIS HEALTH! (no matter what we went through!)
We just look back and see God through everything...not just Luke's situation but EVERYTHING! Matt had a lot of interviews (even some that were 2nd interviews) and did not recieve a new job. We were discouraged at times but just kept believeing and trusting that whatever job God had for him that was the one we wanted. Well wouldn't you know...he gets a new amazing job after all this is settled?! Like I said he has been to every doctors appointment, had plenty of time off, bosses that completly understood, and much much more. The 3 years he worked this job and tried, hoped and prayed for a better one has competly showed why he never got a different one this year! God is good...and has give us above what we could have ask for! Eph 3:20 Now all glory to God, who is able, through his mighty power at work within us, to accomplish infinitely more than we might ask or think.

Here is a few recent pics :)


The best daddy and best driver in the world to all these appointments....

The best big brother ever...... always riding along and being such a good boy.....

Our sweepy sweepy tired helmy boy......such a great car rider:)

Love Lukes little grin in this picture.....

Snuggle buddies

Daddy and his helmy boy

Mommy and her helmy boy

HAPPY THANKSGIVING ALL....the hardest year of our lives has brought us to the most thankful thanksgiving of our lives:)

Sorry...I've been sick...

Hello family and friends and fellow bloggers...
It's been a while since I have updated my blog...but I have a good excuse "I've been sick" with this really weird syndrom called "neglectablog". (pausing for laughter) I know hilarious  just a little funny right? Ok...in all seriousness....I don't really have an excuse. I just wait until we have an appointment to update it. Guess I need to break that habbit!! Luke had another helmet fitting Monday (this was his 4th visit to the naperville office for his helmet). It went great. They cut the helmet up over his right ear because it was touching and is not suppose too and the cut the neck up a little higher(which makes this momma happy because it' a little easier to zurple (sp?...basically making farting noises:) on his neck and of couse give him kisses there too!! The orthosist said we are just "going through the motions" with the helmet. His head looks great and the picture is pretty much the same as last time so we are just keepin on keepin on with it. We are so excited to go in December to see Luke' plastic surgeon and to see what he thinks! :) As for the rest of Deckerville...things are going great. Excited for trick or treating and then jumping right into thanksgiving crafts and decorations ect the next day:) I have already been Christmas shopping (a little) and plan to continue to try to get one or two things taken care of each week!! This year we are getting Lane a fish tank for Christmas...HE LOVES THEM. Ever since we stayed in Chicago at the childrens hospital he talks about them a lot! I am excited for him...however I am a little curious how the "dying" of the fish will go, I am sure Lane will do just fine and we'll handle it well, we probably won't even tell him. We'll just say "he's all gone" and get him a knew one:) My curiosity is how I will be able to flush them! I don't want to do that!! (However I've never had to do that so maybe I'll be ok....to be continued I guess). As far as Luke goes for Christmas...he has a thousand little baby toys and loves all of his brother's toys anyways...so we may do something "practical" and still a little something special toy wise! I see little walk behind toys and things that are "new" and I want, but we already have from when Lane was this age...however do I really need 2 of the same type of toy? More taken up space, more to pick up, more to clean ect... Being the 2nd child(and my hubby the 3rd) I DEFINATLY will get him his "own" stuff...when it' old enough to matter to him:) My AMAZING husband has been talking about my Christmas gift for almost a year it seems. He has been "working" on it for a long time!! And I have NOOO idea what it is. I am super excited though that he is so excited about this surprise for me:) Last year his surprise was the iphone 4s I told him he wasn't getting:) And this year....NOO CLUE YET!! I have to get to thinking. Sure there is LOTS of things I want to get him...but they are just EH' OK...and I'm looking for the wow factor always when it comes to my hubby because he is great;). So...to be continued on that too. Oh and for those of you who "know" me...he has actually already got a Christmas gift(I should NOT shop early for him as I always seem to ruin the surprise.) This one lasted about 10 minutes...I had gone to the christian bookstore to get some stuff for my niece's baby dedication and I saw a Tim Tebow book about his life, walk with Christ ect...I thought "well that'd be one little gift from me or the boys for him for Christmas"...oh about 10 seconds  minutes after heading to putting  it in the "Christmas gift spot" I pulled it out, shoved it in his face and said "I got you a book:)" Haha! He wasn't surprised I ruined the surprise:) He's been reading it and really enjoying it. Well that is all for now. Hope this post finds you all well AND
 Happy Halloween !  Look for the little "fire fighter" and his "dalmation puppy" tonight trick or treating:)

OMG IT'S BEEN A MONTH!!!

WOW!!! I can not believe a month has passed since I posted. FYI...I did create a post from the day we recieved Luke's helmet and wouldn't you know I never posted it (even though I was pretty sure I had hit publish when I finished it a week or so later). Even still that would have been 3 weeks ago had I posted that correctly and that is still WAAAYYYY too long!! So let me get you up to date.....
Luke recieved his helmet on Monday Sept 17th! At the appointment they showed Matt and I how to take it off and put it on, clean it ect... They also went through the risks of red spots that we had to watch out for. We started out having him wear it 1 hour on then a half hour off, then 2 hours on, a half hour off, and so on and so on until he was wearing it the 23 hours a day that they had instructed. He did so well adjusting to it(as they said he would) and had limited red spots! The doctor told us as long as they subsided with in 30 mins of the helmet being off then it was ok...which they almost always did. So he has had it for 3 weeks and looks soo adorable. I am not going to lie....the day they put it on him for the first time...my eyes swelled up in tears and Matt had this look on his face that I can't even describe. We of course instantly thought he was so cute and are BEYOND GREATFUL this is temporary, available, and on and on and on...but to be completly real....it took just a second(literally just that night we drove home until the next morning) and then we were completly humble again. But like I think any parent would feel....we were just a little overwhelmed. And it had been 3 1/2 months since his surgery...his head was looking great, his hair was coming in, his scar was lightening, and things were just feeling so "normal"...and then they put this cranial molding helmet on him....and it just was a rush of a reminder of what he went through. The way the helmet shaped around his little face also reminded us of the exact face he had when his head was wrapped after surgery those days in Chicago where we could only see from the eyelids down. Now like I said....that sadness and emotions literally lasted not even 24 hours....we are SOOOOOO THANKFUL that this is ALL we are dealing with because so so many deal with so much more:( With that being said....here are some pictures of Luke in his "helmie" (as I like to call it...always a name for everything from this girl, my cars I've had : Syndey Sunbird, Connie Contour, Mable Monte Carlo, Ellie Esacape, and currently Cara Caravan, my favorite coffee cup Genavive....and I'll just stop there hee hee).

Here he is yesterday on the way home from the fitting...they actually cut it up higher off his eyes!! (love seeing more of those baby blues:) But when we initally got his helmie it was much lower...I will have to upload a pic of that once I get it downloaded....

Now this to us is amazing....here is the picture of the top of his head from July 23rd(the original casting day) Look at the bump on the left side of his head....

(ahhh!! I rotated it in my pictures and it was correct then I upload it and it flipped! Sorry)

Now look at the picture from Monday October 8th.....

Again I am sorry that they are not horizontal....but can you see the difference?? The bump is pretty much gone!! The doctor said he is improving significantly! We go back at the end of the month for another fitting!!:) We are soooo blessed and give God ALL the glory for this amazing transformation in our son's life.

And for the big brother who is always sooo good on our 4 hour trips for a 15 minute doctor appointment....here he is being his supportive self like always.....

SEPTEMEBER 17th...

OCTOBER 8th....

Everything else in "deckerville" is going great. Matt has joined our churches praise and worship band and I could not be more happy for him. He is great at playing the guitar and has the perfect heart for this. He is so humble and is doing this ONLY for God and the calling he felt God gave him.  I am excited to see his closeness with God get even greater through this new addition in his life. We are enjoying listening to christian music even more around this house and the boys and I just love to sit with him as he practices. BLESSED to be married to such an AMAZING man :)

As for this momma....all is good in the hood. My clients are fantastic for adjusing their appointments when needed for these doctor appointments with Luke(ecspcecially since we go on Mondays and I only do hair Mondays and Saturdays) and dance has been so fun as I have about an hour a week with girls 4 and under which of course I LOVE! THEY ARE SOOOO CUTE, I can barely stand it!!! :) I have been working on some personal goals (like getting up before my kids a couple days a week and some other things) that are going well!!!

I promise to get back to my regular posts for those of who enjoy this blog. And like always THANK YOU FROM THE BOTTOM OF OUR HEARTS for your love and support and prayers these past 8 months!  (oh my goodness Luke will be 8 months on Sunday)

 We love you!