So today our post is suppose to be a reflection on James 4:10 ...
"HUMBLE YOURSELVES BEFORE THE LORD, AND HE WILL LIFT YOU UP"
As I was doing my best to try to think about this all week and "humble myself" I have to admit...I didn't do very well. It is probably alot to do with my self pity right now.(to be expected I know) However this self pity thing is alot of work and takes alot out of me...but why is it so hard to get rid of?!?! I try to take it captive and do it myself but it hasn't really worked. I have cried everyday for nearly 4 months now and not for myself or for feeling bad for me(because like I said in the past thank GOD it's me and my child that I know will be lived up in prayer beyond messure and will be a fantastic testimony to many that I know my husband and I will share and give GOD the glory that he SOO deserves) but feeling bad in a more "general" type of way. Mainly pitying the fact that Luke has to go through all of this, and that we as a family have this huge elephant in our house and every where we go no matter how fun our current surroundings are...there he sits. Sometimes right in front of us...sometimes back in the shadows a bit...but he's always there....remind us of what is going on. It is a heavy burden that is hard to bare. Our hearts are so heavy. It is constitant deap breaths, and signs during moments when we aren't speaking or interacting...it seems like the minute we have a free second one of us is taking a deep breath...almost like we need the oxygen to carry these heavy hearts. Heads have been hung this week preparing for the trip(even our dog seems a little depressed). The luggage, clothes laid out, lists laying around, ect...reminds us that in a few days we will be facing a huge critical situtaion with someone we love more than anyone in the world. So with that being said...it has been very hard to "Humble myself" before the Lord. But even without this situation I think it is hard sometimes. Even when things are doing great in our lives don't we often just go about our way happily head held high enjoying life as we should!?!? Whether our current situation is "heavy" or "light" humbling ourselves before the Lord needs to be a daily routine. Where we lift our heads UP (not down or straight forward) and commit to the Lord that we are His...and everything we have, love, and live for is HIS. Being humbled in that (whether its a good or bad situation) we will be lifted up. With having kids the love from them is almost unbareable...it's a kind of love that fills the inside of you from head to toe and is pouring our of every pore in our bodies. Well as hard as it is to imagine I know that God loves us MUCH MUCH MORE than that! He wants to bless us more than we could have ever hoped for or imagined. I know that it's not easy but when things are hard or good we need to look at Him and build a frame around it. Our pastor mentioned in his sermon a couple weeks ago that when our eyes are on Him in worship everything else just seems to fade away...well that is so true and by humbling myself and keeping my eyes framed around Him (ecspecially in this time of tribulation in my life) I know that everything else will fade away and I will be lifted up (and the elephant will be not be visible). I know this is a daily struggle (just had a huge sigh/ deep breath typing that) but singing Jesus Loves Me around the house or other fun little songs with Lane and Luke will keep my spirits up and remind me of how much He loves me. I am working on meditating on His promises. This week I have been saying "The LORD is Luke's shepard" (or my shepard, or Lane's or Matt's) anytime I have the chance over and over in my head as a constant reminder of his protection. It's a daily thing (even down to the hour or minute) to keep yourself humbled. But when I do...I feel better (obviously lifted up). So...the next few days before we leave and while we are there in the hotel the night before and at the hospital bright and early Monday morning I will be looking UP and focusing the best I can on HIM....because by doing that my heart will be lightened which I so badly desire!
We leave Sunday night to stay in a hotel with my parents and Matt's parents. We have to be at the hospital on Monday morning and in pre-op surgery at 630 am. I am weak and weary and so is my ever so strong husband. Thank you for your prayers as we sooo need them and appriciate them right now. Please lift up those surgeons!
Some of you have asked for the info of where we will be staying :
Comer Childrens Hospital
5841 S Maryland Ave
Chicago, Il 60637
I will keep everyone posted via this blog and will be posting as soon as I can.