He is worthy of our Praise!!

Let me start by giving the big guy up stairs a huge shout out.....You Absolutly Rock God!!! We came to Chicago today for Lukes check up and he is healing remarkably!! By God hearing all our prayers of course he is right on track if not better!! Also we had hoped and prayed that we would be home before my sister had her baby and we madd it by 2 days!! I got to be in the waiting room to hear that I have a beautiful new nephew who I am in absolute awe of! He is adorable!! The surgeon said we need to come back in one month to see if Luke will need a helmet for a few months to fine tune things. Otherwise even though he is still a little tender and fussy at times all is right on track!!! Matt and I feel beyond amazing and have been forever changed by this. As my mom said, our faith has grown by leaps and bounds!!! Our mess surely is a message and our test a testimony! Praise be to God from whom ALL blessings flow !! More pics to come soon of his sweet face;)

GOD IS SOOOO GOOD WE ARE HOME!!

God has shined through in our lives in SO many ways these past 15 weeks. I am blown away by his continued love and grace that I knew before but now I KNOW! The doctors told us some babies do good in 5 to 6 days and some need longer than that. Most people I talked too that had this surgery with their children or knew someone one who had it and even the nurses in the hospital said at least a week or so...but not our child!:) GOD blessed us with HIS amazing healing that we never stopped believing for and we got home last night at 5pm! We are SOOO happy to be home!  Luke is doing good and both eyes are open now (still swollen but open):) He looks sooo different but SOOO cute!! We can barely stand it!! We are so in love with our HEALTHY BOYS!! We are going back Tuesday for a follow up appoinment and possibly a CT scan to see how it looks in there. I have been chipping away at a "detailed" blog of our week, emotions, fears, successes ect....! Hope to post that soon!!:) Here is a few pics once we got home!

Extremely happy to have him home!

Time and Time again I have said that "I am sooo blessed" (and I am don't get me wrong and I have been in the past sooo much) But now the word blessing has a whole new meaning....That God loves ME,  MATT, LANE, and LUKE SOOO MUCH!! And not because of what we've done, or who we are, or what we do or don't deserve...but plainly because HE JUST DOES. No matter what, He wants to bless us and love us more than we think could ever hope or dream for! He is a good and FAITHFUL God!! Even when I was faithless at times he was still there FAITHFUL as ever and loving me, holding me, and blessing me with MORE than I could have ever imagined!

His head without the bandage....

Goodmorning. I wanted to post a few pictures of his head without the bandage so you could see what it looks like. I cried so hard when they took it off (for many reasons) not just because of how it looks. It was a happy and sad cry all at once I think. SO glad it is over, but can't believe what he endured. It puts it all into a different kind of perspective when you really see the incission. Every nurse and doctor has said that his incission is FABULOUS (what a relif) and that his head shape is great but still has some smoothing out to do ect....and is just where it should be. I can't not believe how talent these men are. They do things much greater than I can even expect. These surgeons are so smart it is visible before they even open their mouths and through all the smartness one has a dry sense of humor and breezes in and out and the other has the kindest eyes and is compassionate and stays a while. God has called them to do great things and I will be forever greatful.

So I must warn you....it's sad to see but honastly this is good and just as it should be(thanks be to God!) Luke's incission...........

His sweet head and swollen eyes with out the bandages....breaks my heart to see him like this...

And here is good ole' "Ammy" getting to hold him for the first time

Here he is this morning...eyes are going down and hopefully will open later today or tomorrow....

And here is eating....not really that special of a pic but I just wanted to say they weighed him this morning and our son actually GAINED 3 ounces during his stay (when they prepared us that he would lose weight) LOL! I am NOT surprised:) hee hee

Swollen Shut

Here is Luke's sweet face this morning....

 The ice pack is to help reduce the swelling and that is why he is up on a pillow. They said he will be a little crankier today since they are swollen shut but it is all apart of the process. Please pray for our precious guy. I hate how he looks but am SO THANKFUL he is healing well. God is GOOD!

Update How Luke is Doing

Well Luke is doing good today! He looked so cute this morning, had his eyes open and everything!! They still have him in the ICU until tomorrow but he did get 2 IV's out today and vitals look good. Still on Morphine every 2 hrs and Tylenol every 4 hours. We got to hold him more today which was so nice and he is eating good still. The plastic surgeon was in this morning and said he looked good but to expect him to start to swell(the swelling peeks at 48 hours post surgery). Tomorrow the plastic surgeon will remove his head wrap and drain from his head and the IV from his leg. I'm excited to hold him close and not be so stressed and careful with that drain. He needs the comfort right now of closeness. He did so good and was so calm in daddys arms today! I am not going to lie I'm a little apprehensive to see whats under his wrap, just not knowing what to expect and he will be completly bald and without the bump on his forehead and they said his head could be a little mishaped for a while because it needs time to settle and for the head to grow to proportion itself so not to expect perfect semetry...so it could be a big shock. Just praying for God to give me that prepared heart! The neurosurgeon just came in and said if he's eating and moving he's ahead of the game so that is good to hear. He is up on a pillow and has an ice pack on his wrap due to the swelling taking place. I'll take pics and post an update tomorrow once we get into regular recovery and get everything taken care of. Thank you for praying for us...Lane is still doing good(but I can kind of tell now that he is frusterated with having all these restrictions and rules and not having mommy all day like he is use too)  please pray for him!! Matt is amazing and is so strong and keeps everything in order and in check and is always so concerened for me and I am so blessed by him. Please pray for his continued strength. And please continue your prayers for Luke, for his swelling, for his comfort, for his recovery, and for his caretakers. And a prayer request for me....would be rest....not the sleepy kind(well that too maybe:) but for the mental kind. And for my parents who stayed another night in the hotel and are so wonderful!!

Here is Daddy and Lane in the hospital today...

Here is Daddy and Mommy and Luke....our hearts just ache for him and rejoice for him too!!

Here is the "STRONGHOLD" of our family and his precious baby chugging his milk:)

Here is our big boy for only 15 weeks old!!

And here is tonight before bed....swollen shut my poor little sir! Prayers for QUICK FAST HEALING on his swelling!

The Hardest Day of Our Lives

A flood of emotion is pouring over me as I sit here to write this. Let me start from the beginning(well the night before surgery.)

Sunday Afternoon/Evening:
 After the boys woke up from their naps  my parents and Matt's parents came over to our house to load up the cars and leave for Chicago. That day was so sad in itself. My sister and brother in law came over to say goodbye to us(she is due to have her first baby ANY day so she was unable to be here) and of couse we shed lots of tears when they left. I know how badly she wanted to be here for us and so did he and we were hoping that we wouldn't miss being there for them on their special day either(so far so good). As we headed to Chicago it seemed like a black cloud was hanging over me, and I felt as thought I weighed a thousand pounds. We got to our hotel that night a little after 7 and after settling in we had to get the boys to bed so they could have a good rest for the day ahead. Well Lane wouldn't sleep in the pack in play(he says that is baby Luke's bed because that is currently in our room for him) so for the first time he slept in bed with Matt and I slept in bed with Luke (there was no way the 4 of us could fit in a double bed as much as I would have liked that). Luke slept fantastic. I however did not. I slept from approximatly 1230-2am and that was enough for me. The worrying started in so I just began to pray, and pray, and pray and pray some more. At about 2:45 I got dressed and ready for the day and got the breastmilk warmed up for Luke. I was trying to stuff him with a whopping 6 oz knowing it would be the last time he ate(he ate 5). I got him dressed and ready to go without him even waking up and fed him...he slept until we left at 530am. Luckily my parents had an adjoing room with us so we were able to just prop open the door and leave Lane there with them.

Monday:
We met Matt's parents in the lobby at 530 and as I waited for him to pull the van up I just stood by the doors and held him and cried. I had stewed and stewed and stewed about this day and it was finally here. I just could barely contain myself. The drive to the hospital was even worse. It was silent. When we got here we went to the waiting room for Pre -Op surgery and they called us backa bout 630. Luke was still sleeping and slept until about 7:15 until we had to wake him to put his gown on. I am SO incredibly greatful he slept because I was worried that as soon as he woke up he'd be happy for a little bit but then he'd be starving. He did really well and was a happy boy smiling at every nurse and doctor we saw, and trust me we saw alot of them. It was almost like a parade. They just kept coming in one after another. All so wonderful and loving. I am sure they were even more compassionate because my husband and I were crying pretty much that entire time. Every person that we spoke to reassured us it would be ok but we were so over whelmed. Luke on the other hand was great, hungry but the binky helped and he just let us keep passing him back and forth between the two of us holding and kissing him over and over and over. His little gown was so cute and he had white pajama pants and thick hospital like socks. Once everything was ready about 8:00 am the anestesiolgist came to get us, and I thought I was going to get sick. I felt all the blood rush out of my face. She let us walk with her to the big doors that said OPERATING ROOM above them and they made us stay behind a red line...the doors were open and there were TONS of people in baby blue scrubs waiting for him...it is haunting and sickening to even re think this so detailed. The walk to the line was absolutly awful. Matt held him and just bawled and I did right along with him, I then got to hold him and cry and in the midst of all that he fell back to sleep. He was so precious! As soon as we handed him to her he started crying and seemed startled...it was awful. We just stood in that hallway and SOBBED. Hearing those doors click shut sent goosebumps down my spine.

THANKFULLY Matts parents were in the waiting room along with my sister in law Danielle and our Pastor Paul and his wife Lynne. Then the waiting began. Luckily Lane and my parents showed up about 45 minutes later from the hotel and that helped alot. The first 45 minutes were soooo long then when Lane came it got a little better to pass time. At 11:00 they called and said they just got started because it took so long to get the iv's in. Luckily they gassed him so he didn't feel all of it but there is approximatly 5-10 needle holes on each hand and foot and ankle and the iv's are in his groin (one on each side). His veins are so small and he is so chubby and then on top of that they were dehydrated from not being able to drink anything so thats why it took longer. We sat in the lobby along time watching Lane run around and play, they went to the building next door for lunch while I sat in the waiting area and read a book on healing. I had to keep shaking the thoughts out of my head the entire day just knowing what was happening to my wonderful baby at that very minute. It was torture. But torture that was in my control, sometimes I did pretty good other times were not so good. It seemed like 3 years had passed by in one day. Thankfully a nurse called us about every hour and a half to update us and each time they said Luke was doing good and everything was going great and the pediatric neurosurgeon came out half way and said his part was done(the removal of the bones) and that everything was routine and pretty much boring on his end which was great to hear. At about 230 we got the call that they were closing up the incission and that the plastic surgeon would want to talk to us in the waiting room. Our family and Lane waiting in the ICU family lounge while Matt and I waited to talk to him. About 30 minutes later the pediatric plastic surgeon came out and said he was done and everything looked great and that we'd be able to see him in ICU pretty soon . PRAISE THE LORD IT WAS OVER! We waited and waited and waited in the ICU family lounge until 430 when we finally got to go see him and he looked better than I imagined he would...of course we cried out of the shock but tears of joy that he was breathing and ok. I have had the weirdest feeling inside me ever since....have you ever felt Happy, Devestated, Thankful, Scared, Confident, Worried, Nervous, Secure, Strong and Weak all at the same time? Well I do and it is weird let me tell ya. Pretty hard to describe...just taking each moment as it comes.

Monday Night:
After everyone got to see him Matt and Lane left for the Ronald Mc Donald and my parents stayed with me and Luke and Matt's dad got him and Lane settled in. That place is AMAZING. It is so nice and totally new. Matt said they are so nice and helpful and everything has stickers that says "help your self on it". Lane is sleeping in bed with Matt everynight which is an adjustment because in 2 years he has never slept in a bed...guess it is good prepartation for his big boy bed we will be moving him into soon. He slept 11 1/2 hrs his first night at the Ronald Mc Donald house! Our first night in the hospital was scary for me because of all the beeps and monitors making noises(now I have it down what each sound, color ect...means ). I got about 3 1/2- 4 hours that night of sleep. Everytime they had to be in with Luke(about every other hr doing vitals ect...) I wanted to be right next to him holding his hand. It was so sweet everytime he'd squeez my finger or let out a deep sigh....even on Morphine I know he knows I'm here.

Tuesday Morning:
Luke was so adorable and even awake and eyes open. He was looking around and everything. It melted my heart. Matt and Lane came as soon as they got up and so did my parents and Matt's dad. Only 2 people plus Matt and I could be in Lukes ICU room at a time (it promotes good resting for him). So we took turns spending time with him in the morning and then all left to go to the cafeteria for lunch while he rested. After lunch Matt and his Dad took Lane to an awesome playground they have here and a HUGE playschool area where they have sibling lifestyle specialist. They were soo good with Lane. My parents and I took him back after supper too so Matt could have time with Luke and I could have time with Lane. That place is a GOD SEND for sure! I am so glad he loves it in there and it's safe and so much to do I don't know how he'd ever get bored. (I'll take pics today:) Matt and Lane went to the Ronald McDonald house and had a nap after lunch which was good for Lane for sure ...and Matt's dad left then. (A shout out to my great father in law and mother in law who were up here with us and helpful and loving every step of the way! My father in law is so compassionate and cried just as much as we did. He said it "doubley" hurts being the Papa because he's hurting for his grandson and for Matt and I.) My parents stayed another night and I'm so glad they did.

Tuesday Night:
Sleep was a little better but Luke's eyes became swollen shut about 9:00 so that is so hard to see. He has the best blue eyes from Daddy and Brother and I so love looking into them and him seeing me in this time of pain and now that is gone...hopefully it will return soon. Still Morphine about every 3 hrs and Tylenol every 4. He is pretty comfortable and eating every 2-3 hours.

Wednesday Morning:
Today they are suppose to take his bandages off, his drain out, and remove his central IV line that is in a large vessel in his groin. They are talking about getting another IV put in today. He has over 25 sticks in the OR to get the iv's he had so I am praying they get it is ok today. Every fuss and tear puts pressure on his head (which hasn't even been that much) so having him cry and cry and cry to get this IV is not good. If he still needs Labs drawn every few hours it would make much more sense he had and IV so they could get the blood easier. I wish they could leave the cental line his that vessel in(that's how they have been giving him the pain meds and antibiotic(to prevent in infection ) and taking his blood however in regular recovery they don't do those types of IV's. So we shall see. I am just praying and praying and trusting that God is in control and will be in the hearts and minds of those nurses and doctors to make the right decision and get it the first time. His swollen eyes and face make him look so much worse even though I know it's him getting through it all but it's so hard to see. I watched it happen gradually, however Matt and My parents will probably be pretty shocked.  I will post later on how he is doing today and what happened with the removal of things today.

WE ARE BLESSED BEYOND  MESSURE by you all. I can not even begin to describe in words our gratitude for ALL you've done for us ECSPECIALLY your prayers DON'T STOP THEY ARE WORKING!
*Thank you to our AMAZING parents who we could never have gotten through the day without them here and without their comfort. Even as a parent...sometimes we still need our own parents and we are soooo greatful for the most loving parents on this earth!
*Thank you to my sister in law Danielle and my Pastor and His wife Paul and Lynne for sitting here all day with us Monday. Your pressence and prayers were certainly needed

Surgery COMPLETED!

Luke is out of surgery and doing well. All his vitals look good and so does he...(better than I expected but the worst is  yet to come they say...but I know my sweet sir will be doing better than they ever anticipated)
I will send a more detailed email later of the hardest day of our lives but for now here is a few pictures to keep you all posted like I promise. And THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU from the bottom of our hearts for ALL your texts, love, thoughts and PRAYERS. I have NEVER felt more loved by everyone than I have the past 2 days and have never needed it more than I did the past two days! LOVE YOU ALL!

Here is Luke and I the night before we left:

Here is Luke in the Pre-Operating room this morning in his little clown gown

Here he is when we first saw him 4:30 (everyone thinks he looks more like his brother)

Here is with his Mommy Who loves him SOOO MUCH (Daddy and Big Brother had already headed to the Ronald McDonald house since Lane missed a nap today but he did SOOO GOOD all day and was the best 2 year old and when he saw his brother he just said "Hi baby Luke, he Ni Ni")

                                                     Here is with his "Ammy"

Here is with his Poppy and Ammy

Here he is with some of his wires showing, he has 2 IV's in his groins and the red blood bag is a drain from his head

And here he is HE ATE 3 OZ of the breastmilk we brought him!(that is great because most kids don't eat for a while but I knew my 17lb 4oz chunky would want to eat:)

*More to come later tonight with detail